5 Habits That Can Affect a Relationship, According to Aline Cantarelli

In many relationships, routine takes up a substantial share of a couple’s time and energy: there are work commitments, childcare, household chores, bills and urgent problems to deal with. In this context, more meaningful conversations, the sharing of feelings and moments of genuine attention are often put off until later. Over time, even while living in the same home, partners may notice an emotional distance growing between them.

According to family therapist Aline Cantarelli, many couples fail to realise how small habits repeated every day can weaken a relationship. Clashing schedules, too much screen time, eating meals separately and a lack of presence can all lead them into a life on autopilot. “The problem is not the routine; it is the choices you have made and the routine you have built,” she says.

In her view, life as a couple is not sustained simply by the intention to stay together. It also relies on practical choices, such as setting aside time, talking, creating opportunities for contact and recognising when the relationship has slipped into autopilot. Below are some habits that can affect a relationship.

1. Going all day without having a real conversation

One warning sign emerges when partners speak only about chores, bills, children, schedules and household issues. Communication is still happening, but it is limited to logistics. Aline Cantarelli says that many couples become used to operating on autopilot: they wake up, work, return home, turn to their phones, go to sleep and repeat the same sequence the following day. “Sometimes a couple has gone the whole day without speaking to each other, then later complains about their libido,” she says.

2. Letting screens take the other person’s place

Mobile phones are another important issue. The therapist notes that it is increasingly common to see couples and families physically together while each person is absorbed in their own screen. In her view, technology is not itself the problem. The issue arises when it starts taking the place of conversation, presence and genuine interest in the person beside you. “Sometimes I know more about my virtual friend than the person who sleeps with me,” she says.

3. Not setting aside time for the couple

Aline Cantarelli believes that connection requires intention. For her, waiting for the relationship to work only when there is “time” is often a trap. One simple recommendation is to reserve 15 minutes each day for the couple. It does not need to involve a long conversation or an elaborate date. It could be a cup of tea, a chat before sleep, time without phones or even simply sitting together in silence. According to the therapist, the aim is to create a period of focused attention. Being in the same room is not enough if each person is distracted by something else.

4. Never sharing a meal together

It is not always possible to have lunch and dinner together every day. Even so, the specialist says that making sure there is at least one shared meal can make a difference to the family’s and the couple’s routine.

For Aline Cantarelli, the table is not merely a place to eat. It is also somewhere to ask how the day went, talk about work, agree on decisions and restore the feeling of being a team. She points out that a couple is already a family, even before having children. For this reason, protecting a meal for two can also be a simple way to maintain contact.

5. Blaming routine without reviewing choices

The therapist believes that many people say routine is the problem when, in reality, the couple has stopped building the routine they would like to live. This can show up in incompatible timetables, overwork, insufficient rest, a lack of time together and difficulty saying no to outside demands.

According to Aline Cantarelli, family life requires choices. Sometimes, that means postponing a task, declining a commitment or organising schedules more effectively so that the relationship does not always come last.

How can you get off autopilot?

According to Aline Cantarelli, the first change is recognising that a couple does not have to wait for a major crisis before changing course. Small daily decisions can help rebuild presence and connection.

A few questions can provide a starting point:

1. At what point in the day do we talk without distractions?
2. Do we share any meals during the week?
3. Does the mobile phone come to bed or to the table?
4. Are we speaking only about problems, or also about our lives?
5. Is there any time set aside solely for the couple?

For the therapist, developing good habits does not mean turning the relationship into a rigid timetable. It means choosing, every day, to make some room for conversation, presence and intimacy.

By Chris Coelho